I’m trying to navigate the ridiculously complicated system in order to book an online parents’ evening – with 14 different teachers:
ME: (Shouting downstairs) GET UP HERE NOW AND TELL ME WHO YOUR TEACHERS ARE! THE BOOKING SYSTEM OPENS IN 30 SECONDS!
SON: (Calling back) Why are you on time for this? You’re never on time!
ME: I DON’T WANT TO MISS ANY TEACHERS OUT! THIS IS A JUGGLING ACT WHERE I’M COMPETING WITH 250 OTHER PARENTS FOR A 5 MINUTE SPOT WITH 14 TEACHERS.
SON: (Arrives) I don’t know why anyone cares.
ME: Well, these 5 minute slots of undivided attention to their kids’ schooling mean that parents can feel vindicated for ignoring them and letting them game non-stop for the rest of the year.
SON: So old and yet so cynical.
ME: It’s true though.
SON: At least Grandad nurtures me and forces me to play dominoes with him.
ME: Quick! We’re in! Right, sod PE and ICT and D&T. You’re dropping them. Now… What’s the name of your Maths teacher? And your English teacher?
SON: Erm… Mr Joyce and… Mr Lowe.
ME: Quick! Your Science! Your History!
SON: Erm… Science is Mrs… Mrs. … Oh. I can’t remember. History … Mr Swanson.
ME: Drama! RE! Geography!
SON: Mr Colgate, Mr Atkinson erm….
ME: Come on!
SON: I don’t know! Mr…Er … that git.
ME: Oi! Don’t be rude!
SON: Oh yeah – Mr Potato Head. That’s what we call him.
ME: I’m ignoring that – come on – Spanish! Art! Music!
SON: Oh, I can’t remember – they’re two women and…
ME: ‘They’re TWO WOMEN’??!! What century are we living in?!
SON: It’s Mr Barrett for Music though. He’s great.
ME: I’m seeing a trend here. You can’t remember the name of any female teachers!
SON: Well don’t be accusing me of toxic masculinity. We learned all about that in PSHE last term with Ms… Mrs… Oh, whatsername
Here appointments for English and maths only 2.5 minutes! what can you cram in in that time? Good luck
!!!
Do you get a ticking clock in the corner of your screen?!!
Yes like a sliding thing that’s mesmerising to watch. It automatically disconnected when time was up.