Pt 3. My 13 yr old providing words of wisdom, once more.
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“Mum, what’s the stupidest argument that you’ve ever had with anyone?”
“How do you mean? You mean at work? Or at home? Or in a shop, or on Question Time and that sort of thing?”
“Well, when you behaved the most stupidly yourself, I mean.”
“Good grief. There are hundreds … no thousands – of examples that I could give you. Right, well, how about when I was on holiday in Tenerife when I was 15. I threw a tin of baked bins at my best friend’s head. She was siding with my brother over something. It really annoyed me.”
“That was very stupid of you. Did it hit her.”
“No – it missed. I deliberately aimed it just to startle her. And yes it was incredibly stupid. And it made a dent in Uncle Ted’s apartment wall.”
“Savage. What else have you done?”
“Oh, loads. Really idiotic stuff. My brother used to cop for most of it. I once dropped a pouffe onto his head, from the top of the stairs.”
“Nasty. Did it hit him hard? Is that why he went into teaching?”
“No, it wasn’t a very hard pouffe.”
“What is a pouffe anyway?”
“Oh – you know, a stool.”
“You threw a STOOL at him? That’s disgusting!”
“Not that kind of stool. Good grief. And erm … I once chucked a roller skate at him. Back in the 70’s – before the roller-boot came along, they were made of cast iron or something. Lethal, they were.”
“Didn’t you leave empty bags of crisps filled with water, lying about in his room too? Bet all of your fights toughened him up – maybe that’s why he’s doing well in politics now.”
“Probably. Anyway, there’s never an excuse for resorting to violence – in any situation. And no, before you ask – I’m not telling you about any of the stupid grown-up rows that I’ve had with people.”
“Oh, don’t worry – I see them all of the time. Like, the other day – when you and Dad were having a row about whose turn it was to put the washing out. It was so pathetic!”
“Yeah, it was a bit.”
“I mean – I just wanted to come downstairs and yell at you both for being so childish.”
“That probably wouldn’t have gone down too well.”
“Yeah. Why is it that adults get even angrier when they happen to be in the wrong and a child tries to point it out to them? That’s the story of my life, that is.”
