STRESSED PARENTS! Here’s a tip on how to get your kids away from you and to dispatch them very quickly into another part of the house: (NB – WARNING: PARENTAL GUIDANCE FOR THIS POST – ie. best to try this approach only if they’re aged 12+)
(Conversation addressed to daughter aged 15 and son aged 12)
ME: Right kids! Let’s do some maths. Soooo, I’m looking at Boots online offers here and I see that packs of condoms are on offer. It’s £22 for a pack of 3. So…If each pack contains 12, how much would it cost you for a …. Hey! (To husband) Where have they both gone?
HUSBAND: Dunno. Sick of your ‘helicopter parenting’?
ME: Watch it Mr Holier than Thou… Mr He-Who-Gets-To-Be-A-Keyworker-Each-Day-And-Who-Gets-To-Leave-The-House…
HUSBAND: To be fair. It was a good maths question. But I was going to go one further. And to give them the cost of a pack of protective gloves. And then ask them to work out whether it’d be cheaper to wear a condom on each hand – instead of the gloves … when you go round a supermarket.
ME: Or.. how about we get them to work out the cost of getting pregnant and then having a baby, bringing up a child – you know, a full cost-benefit analysis and that.
HIM: God, no. We all need to try and look out for one another’s mental health at the moment …
