“HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE”*

Since lockdown (and putting societal emergency healthcare to one side for a moment) there have been countless column inches and observations in relation to the effects that these weeks may have on peoples’ mental health, both short and long-term.  There have been amusing chatter and memes about how lockdown will crush the (majority) extrovert segments of the population and how the (minority) introverts will pootle on and do just fine, thank you very much.

When restrictions are lifted, no doubt this entire COVID-19 isolation phenomenon will result in billions of pounds being spent on studies, theses and on life-long salary and pension cushioned occupations and flourishing new professions.

But right now, the societal trend that I am increasingly noticing, is how fast two camps seem to be dividing. And yes – I do see ‘two camps.’  I see how easy it is to hop from one side to the other. Without even noticing what tricks your psyche is playing on you.  So, it might help us all to pay a bit closer attention to the Lowest Common Denominator. That LCD being – of course – ‘People.’

Yes, people. What people DO/DO NOT DO – when they are given rules and when their minds and modes of thinking are affected by stress, anxiety, fear, lack of occupation, boredom or simple change of routine.

So here we go – the list.

PEOPLE – THE THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN ANNOYING THEM/US TODAY:

• People who are spotted outside together and who are ‘clearly not from the same household’
• People who are spotted outside together, who are ‘clearly not from the same household’ AND who seem to be standing a bit too close for the 2 metre rule. And who chat away for a ‘bit too long’
• People who give you filthy looks because they seem to think that you can’t live in the same house if you’re a different skin colour/ same sex/ same age/ have more than 2.4 children
• People in shops who don’t leap into the frozen pea section when you head towards them
• People in shops who do an exaggerated backflip into the frozen pea section when you head towards them
• People who tut at you because you’re being ‘too slow’ in a shop when you’re reading the labels for allergies
• People who rush about in a shop as though their knickers are on fire
• People who think that geraniums are an ‘essential item’ from the shops (if you yourself hate gardening or don’t even have a window box)
• People who think that alcohol is an ‘essential item’ (if you’re an abstainer and think that the consumers are all a bunch of numbed-out wusses)
• People who cough and who feel the need to say ‘It’s alright – I’ve always had this …er, this cough – I mean.’
• People who set off fireworks instead of clapping and who consequently upset your pets
• People who don’t stand on their doorstep clapping
• People who stand on their doorstep clapping and who think you’re an enemy of the people if you choose not to do that
• People who don’t smile at you in the street
• People who smile at you a little bit too much in the street …
• People who spot the rumblings of conspiracy behind ‘it all’
• People who won’t let you even discuss the fact that there might be something more to ‘it all’
• People who keep saying “now’s not the time” when you try to calmly explain political errors in judgement/ bring up the fact that the NHS has been grossly underfunded for decades etc etc.
• People who say “now’s not the time” when you announce that it is bath time (okay, okay – that’s just my little lad who happens to have picked up on this one)
• People who head off to the country in car convoys to meet, and who pretend that they have just bumped into each other (metaphorically speaking)
• People who have large gardens or who own second and third homes and who feel disgusted at the antics of the people above
• People who have suddenly started to walk their dog and who are too above themselves to be able to pick the odd bit of poo
• People who have nowt better to do, other than to look out of their window, hoping to catch you not picking up your dog’s poo
• People who walk down your street wearing a rucksack and heading towards the countryside, with a purposefully ‘longer than an hour’ stride
• People who throw you a filthy look because you’re wearing a rucksack. You just like rucksacks! You can keep bags of BBQ beef flavoured hula-hoops in your rucksack!
• People who stand near your house aimlessly, not exercising and looking somewhat shifty
• People who stand gawping out of their windows at you, when you’re stopping for a breather and you want to take in the view or get your bearings.
• People who suddenly expect you to start singing or playing a trombone at a designated hour
• People who look down their noses at you for singing or playing a trombone at a designated hour
• People wearing masks in cars. (The saddos).
• People who look at you oddly for wearing your mask in a car when its just easier all round to keep it on, as you do your best to protect yourself and others
• People who get up at 5 am and start mowing their lawn/revving their bike/ screaming at their kids
• People who sleep in until 9am (the lazy sods) so that you have to keep yelling at the rest of your family ‘BE QUIET – THEY’LL STILL BE ASLEEP NEXT DOOR!!’
• People who think that they’ve suddenly invented home-working/home-schooling/ remote-conferencing, when you’ve been doing it for a decade
• People who have stopped going to watch Premiership footie/ subscribing to Sky Sports and who keep telling you that they’ve already saved up in enough money to buy a small island in the Mediterranean.
• People who seem to have forgotten that you’ve never enjoyed talking by phone and all of a sudden, who think that you might want to develop the urge to Zoom
• Elderly neighbours who keep resisting your offers of shopping , when you know that they’re actually too proud to accept (and you know that they’re drinking sterra. The poor souls.)
• Neighbours who have never done nowt for no one, who happily take the emergency shopping but who continue to shout over your garden wall to you about ‘bloody immigrants ruining this country’

And all of this … with barely no mention of the interpersonal reactions between friends and family or even colleagues that have sprung up and might be rubbing us up the wrong way – even more so than usual. Yikes.

Perhaps I’ll write more on that in a bit. When I’ve recovered from thinking about THEM – those very random strangers who have been bothering us all…

But I’ll leave you with this deep and profound observation; we’re just all … People. And we perhaps need to steer ourselves away from chucking stones about, when we’re lucky enough to own a greenhouse of our own.

Because there are countries in the world who – right now – are planning to take direct advantage of the COVID-19 lockdowns in order to erode every- day civil liberties. Let’s not become one of them. Stay united. Keep compassionate. Comfort those who are grieving and protect those strangers whom you have yet to count as friends.

*Jean Paul Satre said this. But do go and read why. Quotes taken out of context can be a bit unfair.