I can’t afford to buy you Five Gold Rings this Christmas, but I can at least promise you Five Gold Things. Little treasures to remember. Things that might save you a few pennies. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas? No worries. Half of our family don’t (hence the halal turkey reference) so read on … and you might find a few tips below that you can snaffle in order to while away the boredom, whilst everyone else burns a hole in their pocket or sozzles their brain cells to even less of a capacity to before Friday 13th Dec…
1.ADVENT CALENDAR – Enough with the OTT gift calendars; why promote some dreadfully crass mega-mammoth capitalist brand or logo? Let’s face it. These multinational companies are increasingly taking the mick out of us. I’ve always insisted that my kids have a proper, cardboard nativity calendar with little pictures. I broadly follow the Christian tradition, so I like to remember this tradition. Even though the majority of the rest of my family don’t view it in the same way. But I don’t entirely force my views upon the others. No… I’m not a complete killjoy – nor a totally mean old bat – so we have a trinket one too. A RECYCLABLE one.
I got mine (above) from a local craft sale (although you could make your own – go google.) And throughout the year, I squirrel away little nik-naks for my kids. The girl gets the even numbers on the calendar and the boy the odd (of course). So, it’s stuff like … tiny perfumes, lipsticks and chocs for the even numbers …. And slimy, chewy and farty-noise trick things for the oddball.
PRESENTS – Look. It’s about time you stopped buying them for anyone other than a handful of your nearest; whether we’re talking Chrimbo, Eid, Thanksgiving, Hannukah etc… So. If you follow this crazy habit of getting them for other peoples’ kids (just because they buy for yours) or if you buy them for random people you used to work with back in 1983 then listen up – JUST STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Take a deep breath, grab your mobile and compose a text. Feel free to use this as a suggested message: Hi! We’ve decided to cut down on pressies from now on. There’s far too much consumer excess in the world. So instead, this year, we’re going to (delete as appropriate) donate to charity/ spend it on booze and fags/go on a cruise/ donate it to the anti-Conservative campaigns. Byeee!
But of course, if you want to feel a bit more spiritually connected to Christmas, if you’re interested what Christians think and do – and you’re not used to regularly attending Christian church services – you can find out about local church services near you – using www.achurchnearyou.com Most are very friendly indeed. And if they seem slightly nuts, or a bit po-faced and insular – well, don’t chuck the baby out with the bath water. Maybe look for a local Quaker meeting instead. They’re a lovely bunch and do more for society than any other church.
WRAPPING – It will soon be 2020 – and wasting precious pounds on yet more stuff that ultimately costs the earth is sooo last century. In our house, we’ve begun the trend of having wrapping-fun. We dress-up our pressies in old newspaper or magazines and sometimes we draw moustaches on people or add rude speech bubbles. If you didn’t help to turn the country blue on the worst ever Friday 13th, you can surely get your revenge… by adding horns to newspaper pics of Satan’s Plaything (otherwise known as Boris Johnson.) For the relatives who totally lack a sense of humour, we use pretty off-cuts of material to wrap their presents up, using with a ribbon or colourful string. Just as festive, completely recyclable and won’t give your bin-man a hernia.
GRUB – Can get pricey, eh? In recent years, a debate has begun as to whether it’s fair to ask people who are going for a big swanky meal at someone else’s house, to contribute financially. Totally against the Christmas spirit, in my book. I reckon that a ‘Jacob’s Join’ is a much nicer approach; ask people to bring one of the essentials along. Of course, the staples might be a bit difficult to keep warm (although my Ma did cook the halal turkey plus veggie alternative and drive it over Saddleworth Moor one year – and yes, she is the best mum in the world) but bringing a dessert, cake, wine, pigs in blankets, or even the stuffing – will ease the pain of the nominated cook in the house. And if the host doesn’t want your edible contribution – well, at least either mind their kids, do the washing up or drive the drinkers home. No one likes a freeloader.
VOLUNTEER –Some of my happiest Christmases have been spent volunteering. For example, I was already a Samaritan doing overnight shifts etc. – but taking on the Christmas Day shift proved to be one of the most thought-provoking experiences of my life. My other half says the same about their Christmas hours spent at a soup kitchen for the homeless. And my own kids still claim that their best Christmases ever, involved spending the day at Huddersfield’s Town of Sanctuary Christmas Day Party for refugees and asylum seekers. So, yes – volunteering is absolutely the right thing to do at Christmas. It costs you nowt, brings you and others great joy and provides you with company if you tend to get a bit lonely. Plus … if you want to avoid your family – it’s perhaps the best excuse. Ever.
(Only joking, Mum – and happy birthday. We celebrate you with the best of ’em xxx)
