We are currently holed-up in a (‘well-posh’) caravan. Here in the Yorkshire Dales. We come to this wee hidey-hole very often. And this weekend we are up for a double treat. Because the Tour de France is heading – literally – past the end of our lane. Twice! On Saturday 5th and then again on Sunday 6th.
Now normally, I would happily provide a broad clue as to our exact whereabouts. i.e. ‘everyone should know about this – this is THE most stunningly beautiful location in the world!’
But today, I got confirmation that a certain David and Victoria Beckham are staying only a few hundred yards away, in one of the swankiest yorkshire hotels known to man and to beast.
So I am tying to create a blog that meets my own ever-burning need to remind the world that ‘if you live in the UK and have never spent time in its biggest county – YORKSHIRE – then you have never lived…’ as well as proclaiming a big welcome to the Beckhams for Le Tour de France. And sure, I want to protect the whereabouts of the B Family. So, in an attempt to make the Beckhams feel at home in the Dales – here is my wee missive:
“Dave and Vicky – we’re only a 10 minute walk away from you. But if you want to dodge the security and the press, just shove a fleece on yourselves and travel in the Fiat Panda. We’ve left it at the end of the hotel’s drive – with the keys under the front right tyre. They’ll never recognise you in a custard-coloured yellow Panda!
We’re at the nicest caravan on the site. The one next to the stream with the home-made herb garden. And we have a load of post-England World Cup Carlsberg that needs necking. We’ve sorted out the fold down bed in the living room area for you (the springs no longer poke-through as badly as they did last year.) So, yeah. Just pitch up whenever you feel like it. And the only things that you need to be aware of is a) that Dave wouldn’t be allowed to kick a ball about on site. And b) it would really naff the rest of us off if he spent ages in the teensy bathroom – doing his hair and posing about in his underpants, and all of that. But yeah – otherwise! See you tomorrow over brekkie! As well as the cornflakes, we’ve got muesli and some f those french pain au chocolat thingies from Morrisons!”
So exclusive in fact, that I have just heard that
You never fail to make me smile – but if David does turn up just remember where i live
I will do. The jungle drums tell us that he is *very* keen to visit a Stalybridge Celtic match quite soon – but that our Dave is rather worried that locals might demonstrate the traditional East Manchester ‘I speak as I find it’ attitude – face to face (as opposed to bitching online or behind one’s back.) I think that Dave will be okay if you lot start slagging off his ball skills, however. He will be able to deal with that. But please – go gently on his hair product choice, the fit of his underpants and the names that he chose for his kids…
Davids choice of hair products, cool. His chouce of undies i am unable to repeat on line…..his ball skills, well lets just refer to the undies……
We would welcome him with open arms at the mighty Stalybridge Celtic, i would even buy him a drink at the bar. Make mine a double ….swoon xx