Funnylass

For Exceptional People Everywhere

Funnylass

ALL ABOARD (Or … Not.)

My daughter is on a long train journey and sitting in the same carriage to her is a very drunken Manchester United supporter, singing at the top of his voice (I can hear him down the phoneline.) It reminded me of when I was seven years old and on a train with my mother and […]

Musical Chronology and Kitchen Roll

I’m in a big store hunting for household items. There’s a guy stacking the freezer section. He’s singing at the top of his voice in a faux Irish accent, whistling a fair bit, providing vocal percussion and every now and then doing a little jig whilst he stacks the freezer. His colleague looks utterly miserable […]

Horribly History

I have let myself down very badly. I dropped my son off for school this morning and suddenly realised I needed to check something with him. So, I kerb crawled him and yelled through the open window: “By the way – have you got extra GCSE Science after school today?” He called back; “No, I’ve […]

Canine Conundrum

Several times a week, at the same time of day, I see these two border collies in the exact same position, here in the Holme Valley. One of them is always ‘standing up’ and leaning against the drystone wall to peer over. The other one just stands there, on the path, gawping upwards. They’re usually […]

Propelling my Aspirations

I am now the proud owner of a rotary washing line. I’ve wanted one since I was 6 years old. Sadly, my mum always preferred the archaic clothes prop methodology. It’s only taken me a decade of garroting friends, neighbours and playmates with our wonky washing lines and … I’ve finally decided enough is enough. […]