I’m reading something very serious, very political. My son is trying to pretend to be interested in my life, because he wants me to crack open the Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked. He’s so transparent:
SON: Sooo… what cha, reading Mum?
ME: Just some revolutionary socialist article about the Labour Party, the concept of labour aristocracy, Corbynista witch hunts etcetera.
SON: Jeremy Corbyn was actually quite smiley and nice. And he said ‘Sorry’ when he stood on my foot in the park when he was launching his manifesto thingy.
ME: Well, that’s kinda what this article says.
SON: What? He’s nice but clumsy?
ME: No. It says that people shouldn’t fall for personalities … in a party that’s, well, inherently … either a capitalist workers’ party or representative of the progressive petit bourgeoisie.
SON: Hey, that’d make a brilliant ice cream!
ME: What would?
SON: Ben & Jerry’s Petit Bourgeoisie flavour. I loved those yoghurts when I was little.
ME: I think you mean ‘Petit Filous’.
SON: Oh, right. Anyway, maybe the Petit Filous makers wouldn’t want to be associated with a ‘terrorist ice cream’. I can’t believe people have been saying that about Ben & Jerry’s. Idiots.
ME: Well, if you speak truth to power, you’re often going to get called all sorts.
SON: Or if you miss a goal.
ME: True. And actually, this article says that Marcus Rashford is a more effective opposition to the government than anyone else.
SON: Yeah, he’d have my vote, but only if he got EVERYONE free school meals. I miss having a proper school dinner.
ME: Well, I’ll reinstate them again when you can prove to me that you can stop spending all of the money that I put on your card on current tea cakes and chips for all of your mates.
SON: Keir Starmer might win if he gave out anti-zionist ice cream with every vote.
ME: Can’t see that one happening, somehow.
SON: So….can I have some ice cream myself…now that we’ve had this lovely discussion?
ME: If you must.
SON: (Heading to freezer) You know, I’ve told my friends to talk about politics with their parents when they want something, but they say it never works for them.
