In Skipton. Older fella with wife just stopped me in the street:
MAN: Sweet’art, can you tell me where the [indecipherable] is?
ME: The what?
MAN: Where the CASTLE is.
ME: Oh, I thought you said ‘the Cashew Nut is’.
MAN: Haa! No, we’re from London. Must be the accent difference. Walked all up and down this street lookin’ for it.
WIFE: I wouldn’t mind a bag of cashews, come to think of it.
ME: Well – you can’t miss it – it’s up the top end there. See the flag sticking up?
MAN: Ah, right. Your signage is awful round ‘ere. Awful. Wonder why it’s so bad?
ME: It’s probably a strategic thing. We don’t want you Southerners finding our castles too easily.
MAN: Ooooh, cheeky – and you lot are meant to be more friendly up North.
WIFE: Is there a Holland and Barrett’s on the way?